What an experience I have been having with a diversity of beautiful yoga teachers looking to heal and support others in their healing.
We have been at the ashram in Austin a little over a week and I am feeling utterly exhausted and exhilarated by all of the content. We move through topics in three days each giving us insights into supporting particular groups ranging from yoga for cancer to grief, to anxiety and depression, and pain care. All during we are healing our own wounds, noticing what comes up for us as we dive into each component. To support others means we too have to find our pathways toward healing.
And at about the middle of last week, I had a huge breakdown breakthrough. We were supporting one another in taking a deeper look at who we are. Who we really are and then developing a deep affirmation around the topic. For me, it really highlighted what my intention for Karmic Roots Yoga is all about; connection.
And I know I am not alone in this, the feeling of being disconnected, of needing to be held, nurtured, to feel secure. Seeing how closely I hold this to my own heart brought forward such an intense amount of emotion. The tears streamed from my eyes as I shared words and phrases with my partner who held me in such divine space. I knew I was okay. And then the moment came when she rested her hands on me and gently rocked me. Flood. Of. Tears. Sobbing. And my teacher approached, reminding us that the tears were part of the experience and she continued around the room. I sobbed and was rocked. I was held in that moment, literally by my partner. And then I sat up and we shared. And we cried.
And it was so beautiful.
Later on into the evening I reflected on the experience while sitting near a pond. The affirmation I created during the experience was “Connection vibrates through me.” I was not sure if it was quite right… but now I know, it is. While I was writing I completely fell away from where I was. I lost track of time and I only stopped when the light had completely faded. I will likely be turning this into a guided meditation of sorts, but here are the words from that special moment:
I’ve never witnessed water so still that only a gentle breeze causes a cascade of temporary wrinkles on the surface glimmering on the edges of reflections of mountains and hills.
But here, on the water’s surface things aren’t quite what they seem.
The trees grow taller than the mountains, the mountains become ominous shadows in the background, growing downward. And raindrops tickle the surface, a spiral orbits tightly bound at first until blossoming open, eventually fading away. Just like the water lily through the muddy depths to blossom, sharing its gift temporarily.
Breathe in the stillness.
Drink it in for it is yours. Like the tiny minnows dancing below the surface here and there among the tangle of stargrass and algae.
The sun fades, the wind subsides and the crickets and frogs, they sing their chorus. The still pond continues to lightly vibrate even in the seemingly still moment as the gnats and dragonflies bounce across the buoyant surface.
All is calm. All is here.
And what led me to this moment to drink it all in? Could it be because I too vibrate like the still water? Moving, wrinkling, rippling from the influence of all else? All else made of the sunlight. The fire above. The stars. The stardust.
I too, am connected. In this moment. I know. I am here.